Today we will re-write the
essay from last time called 'Change in your school'. This will be the
last time we use Criterion, so let's try to get the best score ever!
You already have some good ideas from last time. Now all you need to do
is add to it and revise. Making longer sentences may
improve your score
too. Sentences will be long if you connect ideas with words of
transition like we learned about
last time. Also don't forget that since this essay is about an
imaginary situation, you will need to use conditionals.
In order to revise, you can
get ideas from many different places:
Find some of
your
mistakes and errors using the 'feedback analysis' window of Criterion.
|
Read
another
student's essay in order to get some more ideas.
( You can do this from inside of Criterion. ) |
Ask the
person next
to you. Maybe they can give you some advice.
( Speaking in Japanese is OK. ) |
Raise your hand and
ask the teacher!
|
Today's quiz: the 'given to
new' principle.
We talked about this in class. Do you remember? In order to
connect sentences inside a paragraph, you can change the order of the
phrases within the sentences.
For example:
Our school is in a very old building.
There is a new media center in front of the old building.
is not as good as:
Our school is in a very old building. In front of the old building, there is a new media center.
The second set of sentences link well. First, school to old building,
and then it continues, old building to media
center. The new information is added to the information we
already know from the last sentence. However, in the first set of
sentences it goes from school to old building,
then to media
center, and then back to
old building.
The second set flows nicely. It flows forward. It doesn't go back. We
also learned about making sentences flow in the lesson called 'cohesion.'
Here's another example:
Some students never clean the
classroom. The whole school
seems dirty if we don't clean the classrooms.
is not as good as:
Some students never clean the
classroom. If we don't
clean the classrooms, the whole school seems dirty.
*Note:
Some sentences can not be connected like this. For some sentences, it
doesn't matter.
Now go to 'Quizlab'
and do the quiz called 'Given to New'.
After you are finished with the quiz, read the explanation of
the answers.
After that, go to 'Criterion'
and start your rewrite.
Good luck!
For quizlab 'classwords' are:
writingclass1
writingclass2
writingclass3
writingclass4
Passwords are:
101,102,103....140
201,202,203....240
