Most of the students got a score of 2. I got a score of 3,
but Andy got a score of 6! Let's see why.
You can see how Criterion
your essay by looking at the different types of mistakes. There is a
list when you click 'feedback analysis'. (see below)
Most students did very well in 'Grammar', 'Usage', 'Mechanics',
and 'Style.' In 'style' however, using the same word twice was seen as
will talk about that next time. Today, we will learn about 'Organization
, because that's where most of the mistakes were.
is about the structure
of an essay.
The structure of a paragraph
is very similar to the
structure of the whole essay, so today we will look at this.
Construction of a Paragraph
There are three basic parts of a paragraph :
1) Topic Sentence (Thesis)
2) Evidence (Supporting Ideas)
1) The topic
, says the main idea of the paragraph. In an essay this
is called a 'thesis'
It says your idea, or opinion. In English, the topic sentence is at or
near the beginning. but in Japanese, it is usually near the end, so
this may seem strange to you.
By reading the topic
sentence we already know what you are going to say, but we don't know
your reasons yet. You cannot change
your idea later in the paragraph. You say your main point in the topic
2) The evidence sentences
have the reasons for your opinion in the topic sentence
must give several
reasons for your opinion ( at least 2 or 3 ). By reading the
evidence, we will believe your opinion in the topic sentence. You will
* Use labels
to mark your evidence. Criterion can see these and they are normal in
an essay like this.
Here are some examples:
First of all,
Firstly, In the first place, To start off with...
reason is that, Next...
3) The conclusion
says the idea of the topic sentence again. It usually expresses your
stronger than the topic sentence does. It often declares something
more widespread than
your topic sentence. After we have read the evidence, we believe you,
so now you can really make the point even
stronger. The conclusion leaves an impression that we will never forget.
Here are some examples:
these reasons, In conclusion...
Let's try to write the essay again but this time make sure you
have a topic sentence, supported by evidence, and
a conclusion that is labeled.
Here is my example Can you see the parts and labels?
I really hate Natto. <
First of all
terrible. The first time I smelled it I
thought it was a stinky foot. Even now if I smell it, I think something
must be rotten like food or a dead animal. < Evidence #1
terrible. It looks slimey and sticky when you
stir it up. It also looks something like moldy food that has been in
the back of a refrigerator for a year at a single man's apartment. It
look like something safe to put in your mouth! < Evidence #2
Natto is very messy.
It is stringy and sticks to everything it
touches. For this reason it usually spills on the floor or leaves a
stringy residue on the fingers or face of the person who eats it. The
person goes around all day with Natto on his or her fingers and face
and smells terrible. People around them, like the person's family, get
angry because of the smell. <
For these reasons
the worst food on the planet earth and
should be banned from stores and made illegal to produce. < Conclusion
*Separate the parts by leaving one blank line. ( topic -
evidence ), ( evidence - next evidence ), ( last evidence -
conclusion ). This makes the parts easier to see for Criterion, but we
usually don't do this when we write on paper. Also don't forget to use
those labels! They also make it easier for Criterion ( or a reader ) to
identify the parts.
*Don't use an online dictionary to find difficult words. If the
word is difficult, you probably can't use it correctly (at first).
Dictionaries are good for reading,
not writing! Think of a simpler word.